Welcome to my blog. I am autistic (currently still unofficial because I can't get tested where I am) and have sensory and auditory processing disorders. I also identify as aromantic asexual (or aro ace for short).
My ask is always open whether you follow me or not (you can be anonymous too if you want)
My main (fandom based) blog is hinata42691. So if you get a follow from there it's still me, I just can't follow people from rinsadreamer...
It’s not being LGBT supportive if you’re not supportive of your LGBT kids but ok with everyone else.
Love, LGBT kids.
For those who don’t understand social anxiety:
-It is not cute
-It is hell
-Want to order pizza? Too fucking bad
-Want to go to a party? Be prepared to want to leave after 5 seconds
-Need to ask a salesperson for a different size? Guess you’re not getting it
-Hungry but it’s crowded in the restaurant? No food for you
-Social anxiety SUCKS
-It keeps you from doing things you want to do
-It makes you feel like shit
-Stop romanticizing it
-Social anxiety is absolute HELL
You might be aromantic if…
Aromanticism can be really hard to figure out, especially since we’re often not sure what “romantic attraction” is supposed to be, so I made a list of things I’ve often seen in myself and other aromantic-spectrum people.
These are just generalizations. They won’t apply to every aromantic-spectrum person; and some non-aromantic people will have some of these things, too. Some of the list items are contradictory. Having any of the experiences listed below is not proof that you’re aromantic, nor are you any less aromantic if few of them apply to you. But if you’ve been trying to figure out your romantic orientation, and a lot of these sound really familiar to you…then it may mean something.
I also made a list of words relevant to aro-spectrum people in case that helps.
- When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you.
- Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.
- When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.
- You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.
- You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.
- You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.
- You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.
- You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.
- You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.
- You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.
- You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.
- You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.
- If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.
- You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.
- Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.
- You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.
- You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.
- You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.
- Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.
- You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.
- When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.
- Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.
- Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.
- A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.
- You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.
- You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.
- When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.
- You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.
- You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.
- You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.
- You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.
- It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.
- You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.
- You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.
- You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.
- You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.
- When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.
- When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.
- The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.
- You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.
- You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.
- You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.
- You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.
- You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.
- The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.
- You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.
- You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.
- You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.
- You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.
- You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.
Feel free to add your own.
These are a great tool for anyone figuring things out!
my teacher sent a student home today because the student had had an anxiety attack earlier in the morning and she said “if you have a broken bone, you don’t just keep walking on it and damaging it more, you treat it. Your mental health is the same. Health then school.”I was about to get really angry but it took a different turn than I expectedwe really need more teachers like this
Autistic person: “literally just tell me how I’m supposed to act and I’ll do it”
Allistic person: *silence*
Autistic person: “Well ok” *does something*
Allistic person: “god that’s not how you’re supposed to act, don’t you know anything????? Can’t you function right??????”
Autistic person: “bye”
The letter I wish I had read when my children were diagnosed with Autism
So, your child has just been diagnosed with Autism.
You might be feeling a bit stunned. You might be feeling overwhelmed. You might have known for ages but just had it confirmed. You might be relieved. You might be concerned. You might feel sad.
So, what do you do now?
Well, you could go looking for a list of things to do. You could join every Facebook group you can find with “Autism” in its name. You could ask around and see what therapies everyone enrolled their kids in. You could seek the advice of other parents of Autistic kids.
I did all those things. They seemed like the most sensible things to do given my child had just been diagnosed with Autism. After all, everything I knew about Autism was framed by the dominant belief that Autism is something that needs to be fixed in order for the Autistic person and their family to be happy.
In hindsight, though, I’m convinced there were other - more helpful - things I could have done instead. Here is what I now think it would have been helpful for me to hear.
Autism is not a tragedy that requires immediate action. Nothing has really changed for you and your child with this diagnosis. They are the same child as they were yesterday.
There is no rush. Despite what the professionals will tell you, you have lots of options to choose from now. So, take your time. Have a look around and check out what is on offer, then choose what fits best for your child and your family.
You know your child better than any one and you are capable of making decisions in their best interest.
Some people might be telling you that you have to act quickly to get services and therapies in place. They might be telling you there is no time to waste because the younger you treat Autism the better off your child will be and the more chance you have of them growing up to be normal.
I would encourage you to slow down. Breathe. Think. And read.
Do some research. Don’t just accept the dominant story you hear about Autism. When you are looking into therapies and strategies hold them up to a high standard, compare them to what you would find acceptable for a “typical” child and if the thought of subjecting a “typical” child to those therapies seems wrong, don’t choose that for your Autistic child either.
Research throughly. Read widely.
Most importantly read what Autistic adults have to say. I cannot stress this enough. Listening to Autistic adults changed everything for me.
Listening to Autistic adults changed everything for me.
And consequently improved my children’s lives. Yes, you heard me right.
Me choosing to listen to Autistic adults has improved my children’s lives.
There are plenty of Autistic adults out there writing things you will find helpful.
Read Nick’s essay What is Autism?.
Read Landon’s book I love being my own Autistic self.
Read the words of Alyssa, Cynthia, Ibby, Sparrow, Amy, Neurodivergent K, Henry, and Michael.
Seek out communities run by Autistic people. Communities like “We are like your child" and "Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance" (jointly run by Autistic people and parents of Autistic people).
These people are your childs tribe and their words are your opportunity to truly understand your childs experience of the world.
Listen. Read. Learn.
And hope. In the face of all the negative talk, all the tragedy rhetoric, all the despairing messages from “autism parents”…. hope. HOPE.
Things may be hard right now, but they will not always be. You will find your way. Your child will find their way. Spend just a little time with the sadness that follows a change of plans if you must, but move on to hope. You will be happier for it and so will your child.
With you on the journey,
- The letter I wish I had read when my children were diagnosed with Autism by Michelle Sutton
Anonymous said to realsocialskills:How do you feel about self diagnosed autisticsrealsocialskills said:I think that autistic people are autistic whether or not that they have been diagnosed.I think people often know that they are autistic without a doctor telling them that they are. I have absolutely zero problems with someone thinking that they are autistic or wanting help. Even if it turns out that they are mistaken and not actually autistic. That happens sometimes, but I don’t think that’s hurting anyone, and I don’t think it’s a legitimate reason to object to self-diagnosis.I think that people with disabilities need support, coping methods, and accommodations whether or not they’re diagnosed with anything.I think we should move towards a world in which accessibility is seen as routine and normal rather than something people have to beg for access to. As it stands now, support resources for people with disabilities are often drastically limited. That is not the fault of people who identify their problems and support needs without medical diagnosis. Resources are scarce because our culture doesn’t value people with disabilities enough to make support readily available, or to routinely make accessibility and inclusion part of planning in schools, organizations, architecture, workplaces, or anywhere else. That’s the problem. Self-diagnosers who want help are not the problem.There’s this notion that people with disabilities who need to do things differently are somehow trying to get away with something, and that they need to pass an extremely high bar to prove that they can’t help it. That attitude hurts all of us. Hating people who self-diagnose plays into that attitude, and it doesn’t help anyone.